when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize