I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
foreskin is a definite game changer
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
