When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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