well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i used baking grease as lip gloss
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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