I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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