We named our party play list daddy issues
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
did i walk over a car last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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