Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
