That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
