he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
