sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
