im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
