I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
