watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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