i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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