I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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