i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
