im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
