I forgot how hot balto sounded
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
