if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
