So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
