The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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