i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it penis luge time yet?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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