I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
