I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
