Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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