I wish my penis had an off switch
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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