We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize