She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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