I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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