you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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