Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
