ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
