The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ttyl tear gas
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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