remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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