I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
