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just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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