omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
