When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
