Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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