you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
