how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
