i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
