don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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