What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
