lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
