I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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