what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
