Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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