I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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