U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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