He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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