hell yes lets make some ravioli
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
