She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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