he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
