I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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