i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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