so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
