so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
