I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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