I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
