I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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