he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
