I bet he comes in French.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
