Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
