We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this just has baby written all over it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
